i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
