my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
