i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
