I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
