i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
