Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
