you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
