Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
