Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
