apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
