I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
