If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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