I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hippo gnu deer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need a beard to bite.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
