I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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