I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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