I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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