I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
