My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
