the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
