I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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