Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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