Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
