I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
