I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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