You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
