chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
