I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
