I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
