We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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