Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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