so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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