I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
