if only i could text you this smell
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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