Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
