You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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