The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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