I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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