She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
