yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
