You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
