He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
