Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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