He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Congratulations! We have a period
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