Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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