Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
