I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
