my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
