And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
