so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
