she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
