hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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