so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
