I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
