So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
