either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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