Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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