Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
