non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
