sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
