I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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