Your tits are I can't wait for
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Randomize