Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
