i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There r osticjed everywhere
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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