I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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