the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's shark week go big or go home
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
