U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
